top of page

OMG! Where is my white picket fence?!

As a child, I never really contemplated the concept of singleness.

I was never groomed to own it as a season of finding myself and discovering my wholeness - it was more like a crossing of sorts to get to the next phase. That phase I suppose being marriage? And somehow as sociable creatures we can perceive when we get to that next phase, all our friends are getting married, having kids or you think you are sufficiently educated and you have a really good job so simply think the next thing ought to be -marriage! You think, I need to find "my white picket fence".

I have to confess, there was a time marriage presented a fairy tale in my mind maybe because of the movies I watched and the books I read. I got older and began to experience the reality of challenges in my parents’ marriage, in other relatives marriages and then there was my own.

In the process of chasing after the "white picket fence" we sometimes forget we have been forged for a purpose, fearfully and wonderfully, created with unique qualities, gifts, appearances just so that we would be fulfilled in God. We come into the world and we are conditioned so strongly by what is around us and sometimes lose sight of who we really are - we chase after so many things and forget to chase after Him.

We can't enjoy our seasons if we have not learnt to enjoy who we are, we cannot appreciate others where we do not know what there is to appreciate about ourselves. We cannot understand our uniqueness if we do not try to understand our God.

When my marriage broke down, I was carried into a cocoon of self reflection and forced to look at things I had never made time to look at before because I was too busy chasing after other "things" - educational qualifications, jobs, relationships. Now God was suggesting to me that I chase Him - diligently.

That was almost 5 years ago since he spoke to me about diligently seeking him. Recently, I have found myself almost going back into the toxic race for the things that this world requires we have to appear "successful" and "well" and "supposedly whole". The word constantly presented to me in this season is "seek me first and everything else will be added to you"...even the white picket fence if you so desire.

At this crossroad encouraging myself, I have a strong urge to encourage someone out there who might feel there need to conform to the world, what it offers and forget to chase after their wholeness. They are being pulled away from enjoying their season of singleness. You don't need to conform. There has never been a need that God could not satisfy and has not already satisfied through Jesus. All He requires is that you keep chasing after Him and allow that unique being he has created you to be come forth in all its splendour.

The changeable seasons of life affects us all in different ways and the only way to keep balance is to remain in Him and that is why He is constantly calling us to chase after Him. When we do this we know how our gifts are evolving and how to use them, we know what are uniqueness is and how to embrace them because the truth is life will change us as we grow.

This really is where we find our white picket fence.

Some of you like me maybe thinking - OMG! the white picket fence is actually embracing my singleness, I'm never gonna be married! I didn't say that. I am saying, the ultimate deal is your wholeness, your fulfilment in Him. Never mind the white picket fence - there is a whole world of possibility even beyond what we each may consider to be that and he is calling you to enjoy this with Him at the centre.

"Our fulfilment will always be in Him and that is why He is always calling us closer, it remains the final destination of all purpose - fulfilment". TEOS

That is where our white picket fence really is! In Him!

Be blessed.

0 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page